I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
