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She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
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