I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
