Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
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