walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
