i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
