I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize
