i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
