is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
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