The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
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