so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Randomize