i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
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