Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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