he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
