Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Randomize
