She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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