Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
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