break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
