What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
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