Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
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