chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
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