he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
Randomize
