He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
Randomize
