She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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