You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
