Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Randomize
