life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
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