tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
Randomize
