After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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