trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
You've changed since you got that strap on
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Randomize
