at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
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