He asked to "fluff my boner.."
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
is it fun? or sober?
Randomize
