Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
Randomize
