I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Randomize
