just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
as a side note pls kill me
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
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