Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
Randomize
