so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
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