last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
Randomize
