I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Randomize
