I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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