Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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