I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Randomize
