Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
