mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
