wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
