I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
I wish i was in the wii world.
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
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