shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Randomize
