Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
