Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
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