There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Randomize
